Tips voor vrienden en familie! :
Family and friends may not know the signs and symptoms of spiritual emergence. People undergoing transformation often change their appearance, habits and behavior. Introverts may become extraverts, and vice versa. Mood swings are common. Such people may reject the world as trivial and mundane, and spend time on activities removed from daily reality. They may passionately discuss their visions, dreams or insights, and may become impatient with those who do not share their interests, or hurt that they receive negative or neutral feedback. They will feel isolated or invalidated upon learning that the listener cannot relate to them, having had no corresponding experiences, or may become judgmental when a family member (who perhaps already has a workable belief system) shows no interest in "cosmic" topics. They may give unsolicited inspirational or spiritual books as presents, believing others would desire the wisdom therein, if only they knew about it. Those undergoing the transformative process, already experiencing loneliness and isolation from peers, often disown their feelings. They frequently project emotions, such as blame, onto people or circumstances. They may also project positive emotions, such as love, mistakenly feeling that love is coming from someone other than themselves. In this and other ways, the inner and outer worlds get tangled. Family and friends may become symbols of restriction, so the person leaves home, confusing inner limitation with outer limitation. In fact, the call for internal changes is often acted out externally, which is not always necessary. Persons undergoing transformation may be preoccupied with death. They may change sexual responses, or use sex as another way to access transcendent feelings. Episodes of clairvoyance and other psychic abilities are common. They may feel guided by coincidences.
Family/friends may respond with denial, confusion, helplessness, fear, guilt, judgement, or other emotions. Here are some suggestions for dealing with the situation. Make sure you want to help because you care about the person, not for curiosity, drama, or need to control or engage in false nurturing. Develop trust in the end result, and patience, allowing things to unfold. Transformation takes time. Be open, receptive, and willing to listen. Again, beware of the temptation to control the other’s thoughts or behavior. Be honest (not the same as brutally forthright). Suspend your judgement. Offer frequent assistance. Use your intuition. Do not use such words as "sick," "crazy," "psychotic" or "manic." Talk about manifestations, not symptoms; opportunity or adventure, not crisis; excitement, not fear; and episode, not illness. Offer physical comfort— holding, hugging, touching. Let yourself be flexible, and playful, not overly anxious and concerned. Give up on the idea that you can fix the situation. Some episodes, such as the reliving of trauma, may require the presence of the other sex (other than you) to help in the healing process. Last, be kind to yourself, and keep pursuing activities that are healthy and pleasurable.
Chapter 10: Who Can Help and How?
Support for active spiritual emergency would ideally include special facilities and therapists, a spiritual guide, open minded physicians, supportive family, etc. But few people have access to such an ideal assembly. At best, those in emergency can try to avoid tranquilizers, which are counterproductive and add confusion and disorientation. They can look for a therapist trained in Gestault therapy or Holotropic Breathwork (415-479-4703), or someone who has undergone a spiritual emergency. Call the Spiritual Emergence Network at 415- 327-2776. At the very least, seek professionals or friends who are versed in the transpersonal approach to life, and with whom it is easy to establish rapport. Avoid those who are dogmatic, rigid, limited, arrogant, or exclusive (who claim to have all the answers). Interview therapists as though they were applying for a job.
Chapter 11: The Homecoming
Transformation is short-circuited if the seeker cannot successfully return to ordinary life as a changed and reintegrated being, like the shaman or initiate. Reintegration can happen over a period of time, or rather suddenly. The seeker has probably had a sift in values, a resolution of personal problems, and a broader grasp of spirituality. These new qualities may not find understanding or be especially welcomed, and the seeker may find the "real world" pointless and boring. However, the mundane is also an instrument of transformation. In some cases, a new life may have to be formed if the old one proves to be too incompatible.
Here are some problems you or a friend may face during reintegration. Your new strange self will emerge automatically if you allow it space and time, so don’t get wrapped up in guilt, sense of duty or the self serving expectations of other people. Nurture yourself through diet, exercise, plenty of sleep, time alone, etc. Avoid over-stimulating or unpleasant groups of people or activities. Understand that your intensity and emotional vulnerability at this time can lead to unwise choices in partners or sexual relationships, so tread lightly. You may find yourself vulnerable to manipulation, or you may swing the opposite way and become demanding. Understand that waves of emotion and emergence flashbacks may occur. Do not project these emotions or feelings onto others (for example, leftover anger), or blame others for your circumstances.
Your new insights (if verbalized) will threaten some people and cause them to react negatively toward you. Many will not understand or be interested in your insights (having had no such transformative episodes themselves) so be prepared to face a certain amount of hostility or loneliness. Employers will likely not understand, or be receptive. To eliminate needless suffering be careful how much you tell, and to whom. Seek out others who have also undergone (or who are asking questions about) transformation.
If you suspect that you did or said embarrassing things while in the grips of spiritual emergency, accept that you were under the sway of the unruly unconscious mind, and try not to dwell on guilt or alarm. Strive for self acceptance and do research into spiritual emergence. Others have gone before you. You will learn that you have not "arrived," however. The transformative process continues to new levels as you age and grow. You will probably find yourself more grounded in the present, with less desire to prove yourself to the world, or to be recognized or appreciated. You may find new appreciation of other human beings, and a realization that you cannot hurt another without hurting yourself. You will probably have an intimate or different relationship with the divine. Many at this stage stop struggling against the universe and become more trusting of what happens. Seeking the Spirit may become a way of life in the midst of the mundane where, as the Zen master said, even after enlightenment, it behooves one to still chop wood and carries water.
uit : The Stormy Search for the Self
by Christina Grof & Stanislav Grof
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Digest by Linda Cornett